zoomaru

I’ve mentioned that I’d like to lose a little weight, but I hadn’t even heard of the Podiatric Diet. “What?” you say, “I’ve heard of the Atkins diet and the South Beach Diet but what is this Podiatric Diet?” and I will have to explain that is where you keep sticking your foot in your mouth so much that A) you can’t put food there and B) your foot is very low in calories.

I guess we all feel socially awkward now and again. I can say with assurance that on the scale of Socially Awkward, I am neither Computer Programmer or Dungeons and Dragons awkward nor am I politician or minister smooth. This morning, everything I said to the coffee shop owner sounded like a criticism of his choices. I certainly like the choices I have made, but I don’t want to fall into that horrible close-minded habit of deciding that my choices are the only RIGHT choices. The owner and his wife have done everything differently, and I think that’s JUST right. For them. But the way I responded, I’m sure it sounded snotty. We had a small wedding, they had 250 guests. We were in our late 30s when we had a kid, they were 23 years old. Because we don’t know each other well they don’t know that I probably would have rather been a young parent, but I was not emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship solid enough to produce a commitment or children at 23. Now I made it sound like I had a choice about waiting until I was 38! I wonder if they have a series of greeting cards, next to the sympathy or get well there would be “sorry I sounded like an asshole.” HUGE market for those. I’ll give Hallmark a call.

I’m sure if I HAD gotten married at 23 that I would have wanted the whole glass slipper treatment, magic pumpkin and 12 white horses. By 36, however, and i’ve learned that money doesn’t just magically appear and it would be damn near impossible for me to host “the wedding of the CENTURY!!!!!”. I’ve learned my limitations when it comes to selecting wedding favors, place settings and table arrangements.

I also know that I hate pompous know-it-alls. I guess I’ll just chalk this up to something to work on. Note to self: don’t be a judgemental asshole.