F to the U
In high school I was pretty conversant in "shit" and "damn" and I knew my way around "hell" as well. It wasn't until my mid-twenties that I really got the hang of "fuck". My first job out of college was for H@llmark Cards and I'm sure you'll believe me when I say that cursing wasn't common among the happy card elves. But my second job was full of arrogant, over-confident multimedia types that peppered their speech with the f-bomb not unlike a teenage girl and the word "like." I changed jobs a few times but kept ending up with a profane group of people and by the time that "Deadwood" came to Cable TV, I'd also mastered cock sucker. Nice, eh? My language skills?
Truly, I love vocabulary, and I agree with those that say that cursing is a sign of a lazy mind, but when you've just smacked your little toe on that goddamn ottoman for the 5 millionth time, there is nothing like the salve of cursing like a sailor.
This facility of language utterly fails me when faced with a bratty 3 year old. You can't even use those lame-ass replacement cuss words like "freaking" because if the preschool teachers hear that epithet coming out of my daughter's mouth, I'm pretty certain I'm getting a nasty note home. Having a bratty 3 year old is to suddenly be 12 years old faced with an insanely bratty younger sibling. You can't punch 'em in the arm or pinch em real good and you can't tell them to shut the hell up. You have to set a good example. fucksticks. You can't use phrases I've become fond of like fucktard. That is the awesomest of awesomely awful words, but it rolls off the tongue and under my breath so tastily. I don't get to use it often and it's usually while driving or after the kid is asleep but it makes me giggle.
So basically I'm trying to unspool these words and they're sliding away in much the same pace I acquired them. sigh. I can keep "crap" right? I'm nothing without it!
