dog-day afternoon
Today it is what we southerners like to quaintly call “freaky-deaky hot” or the shorter and more eloquent “ass-hot”. The lucky white-collar folks, like myself, have air-conditioned cars and chilly beige cubicles to keep us comfortable. Folks with fewer means who must patronize mass transit are less comfy.
I just walked about 8 blocks each way to a grocery store at lunch. It was my penance for forgetting my gym clothes. I skulked along the very narrow shadows that creep closer to the buildings as noon approaches. Nothing like being hustled across a pedestrian crossing in 94° heat by someone in a well-chilled SUV. I pantomined my heated discomfort and at least got a smile for my efforts but not before twisting my ankle in these stupid sandals.
Against my better judgment I picked up one of those new-fangled “smart” waters. You know, the ones with vitamins and jennifer aniston. And you’ve got to hand it to the beverage makers, they have figured out how to give us less product for more money. All these flavored waters are a crock load, if you ask me. It tastes like when you’re down to the last glass of kool-aid and you got two kids begging for it so you streeeetch it out a bit with water. Lame. Give me iced tea any ol’ day. But please not the sweet tea for it gives me the sugar-skeevies to even think about. That I-just-ate-one-too-many-jelly-bellies-and-I-think I’m-going-to-gag feeling? Maybe that’s only me.
While we are accustomed to this kinda swamp-ass kind of weather we reserve the right to comment on it obsessively as we head back for another cold one.
I just walked about 8 blocks each way to a grocery store at lunch. It was my penance for forgetting my gym clothes. I skulked along the very narrow shadows that creep closer to the buildings as noon approaches. Nothing like being hustled across a pedestrian crossing in 94° heat by someone in a well-chilled SUV. I pantomined my heated discomfort and at least got a smile for my efforts but not before twisting my ankle in these stupid sandals.
Against my better judgment I picked up one of those new-fangled “smart” waters. You know, the ones with vitamins and jennifer aniston. And you’ve got to hand it to the beverage makers, they have figured out how to give us less product for more money. All these flavored waters are a crock load, if you ask me. It tastes like when you’re down to the last glass of kool-aid and you got two kids begging for it so you streeeetch it out a bit with water. Lame. Give me iced tea any ol’ day. But please not the sweet tea for it gives me the sugar-skeevies to even think about. That I-just-ate-one-too-many-jelly-bellies-and-I-think I’m-going-to-gag feeling? Maybe that’s only me.
While we are accustomed to this kinda swamp-ass kind of weather we reserve the right to comment on it obsessively as we head back for another cold one.
Have you heard of "sugar skeevies" or is that something of my own creation? (Comment this)