zoomaru

If you were under the impression that the harbinger of doom was the four horses of apocolypse, apparently you were wrong. The onset of armageddon will be triggered by the absense of frozen waffles and the wailing and thrashing of a two year old in response to said absense.

Later Richard said to me "So, would you rather that she get up at six and be pleasant or have her sleep til 6:30 and lose her little baby shit over waffles." damn fine question. I still prefer the extra sleep! 

Yes people, someone searched for "poophead" and found this site (now i can't remember if that was one word or two). I've never been prouder. Not even later when someone googled "If your boobs hurt" have I felt this web-validated! Man. That just amuses me.

If you’re reading this, you are either friend, family or you’ve run out of internet and have landed here out of desperation. But I have a feeling, like me, you have a lot of other blogs you surf as your day goes by.

I’m embarrassed to say how much time I spend on perfidious (found this word on thesaurus.com! Means hostile! Cool hunh?) gossip sites like perezhilton and socialitelife. Like this totally vicious post about Kirsten Dunst. Personally, I think she’s a good actress and the fact that she was able to parlay the work she did as a child into a career as an adult speaks to her talent and maturity. Perhaps the writers of these blogs feel they have to outdo each other to maintain readership. But here I am supporting their nasty little game. I can’t stop reading them.

There’s a new development, though. Now I’m beginning to feel sorry for these women, and they seem to be mostly women that they’re picking on.

Don’t hate me for what I’m about to say…. But maybe we should all cut Britney Spears some G.D. slack. Poor, misdirected lamb. Look, there she is stumbling with her child in her arms, Whoops! OMG, She’s pregnant again, tsk tsk tsk. And it’s so easy to jump in and tsk tsk tsk right along, but what did she ever do to deserve this unrelenting hostility? I guess she is young, attractive and successful and therefore must be torn down.

Is Britney neglectful? Probably not. Is she young and inexperienced? Certainly so. I’d still like to apologize for some of the mistakes I made when I was her age (24). I’m going to be 41 this week and I still thank my lucky underpants that there are no surveillance cameras or camera phones as I go about trying to raise a child.

I've been obsessed with checking to see how many people come to read this little blog. Imagine my amusement when I saw that someone got here by searching for "how many deaths a year are tsunamis responsible for?" I think you'd be more likely to get here searching for "vomit" :) Another person googled the following "but why think about that when all the golden land's ahead of you and all kinds of unforeseen events wait lurking to surprise you and make you glad you're alive to see?" Talk about random!

And in case you were worried, DJ Shuffle must be feeling a bit reflective about his breakup with Random. He selected sweet, redemptive tunes for my trip into work this morning.

• "Freedom Hangs like Heaven" – Iron & Wine
• "Angels" – Wax Poetic feat. Norah Jones
• "Colors" – Amos Lee
• "Space Walk" – Lemon jelly
• "Lord Only Knows" - Beck
• "This is the way" - Devendra Banhart
• "Not about Love" – Fiona Apple (okay, maybe he’s a LEETLE angsty.)

Peace out and have a bitchin' weekend!

Happy birthday TO ME

Happy birthday TO ME

Happy birthday TO MEeeeee

Happy birthday TO ME

We tried to get Ruby to sing happy birthday to me but she insisted "NO happy birthday you. Happy birthday ME!"

My husband is very, very sweet.... besides writing a nice piece about my wonderfulness he also got me a trip away on my own to see my BFF Amy in Vermont. Sah-WEEET! I've never been off by myself without richard and the kidlet, and I think it will be very medicinal to drink red wine with my pal and sleep in past 6:30 for a couple of days! WHEEEEEEEEE thank you thank you thank you!

 

 

I swear, I think the little guy who picks the songs on my iPod has been on a crying jag for a while. Dj shuffle was picking the most dirge-like songs. I was ready to open a vein. Maybe his girlfriend, Random, dumped him.

We have two cats, Sancho who is black and Meep who is a long-haired orange kitty. Meep was a teen mother rescued from the streets of DC so we try to cut her some slack but she's such an odd little kitty.

Sometimes we'll be watching TV and Meep will come up from the basement with something in her mouth, yet she still manages to meow with her mouth full. The contents of her mouth are either a slightly stunned spider cricket to whom she'll refuse to give the coup de grace. This results in a limpy sad bug twitching on the carpet or it will be some odd piece of plastic or wire that Richard had swept up from his work room. Once it was a plastic palm tree, another time she found chunks of bamboo. This never fails to really peeve Richard. GODDAMCAT!!! Chasing ensues.

Meep is also the most tolerant cats I've ever met. You can hold her upside down in your hands, away from your body and you can STRRRREEEEEETTTTCH her out, and then fold her up. You might put socks on her head, but that might be mean, but you might!

One night this stretchy baby bow thing ended up on her head. I'm really not sure HOW it got there. I'm sure there were no witnesses. We waited for her to paw at it and act all twisty tormented like i "hear" some cats do but she just sat there. And sat. And sat. Not the entertainment value we had hoped for. hmmm. What if the bow slid down to her nose. Nothing. Well, it's hardly worth picking on her then.

One of the nicknames that my hubby has for our daughter is ABMOD or Ankle Biting Midget Of Death. Believe it or not, it's actually a term of endearment originally coined for a dimunitive soccer player, but it applies so well to our young'un.

scene: bath time

Me: Do you want bubbles in your bath?
ABMOD: No
Me: No? No bubbles?
ABMOD: No!
(seconds elapse)
ABMOD: (WAILING) BO BOS! BO BOS!
Me: But you told me you didn't want bubbles!
ABMOD: BO BOS! BO BOS! BO BOS!

That pretty much sums up our evening here at Rancho Hayes-o. There were at least half a dozen similar scenarios in various subjects and situations. Also apparently I placed the Evil Band-Aid of Evilness on her foot for it rendered her unable to walk.  Another lovely trick this evening was to turn down my offers to read a book together and then when, after much warning of bedtime, and offering, and warning, I take her up to bed she wails loudly that she wants to read a book. WHAT? It is these situations where i've tried my best to be a patient, understanding mom, but she's entirely too smart or manipulative for me. I spend all day missing her and then she works me so hard, I feel guilty when I'm so happy it's bed time! *sigh*

Thank goodness for micro brews :)

For years now I've been trying to spread "The Friday Dance" – I have already done one this morning. Some would argue that you must wait until the end of the day is in sight, but I say whenever you're happy that it's friday, do a dance. The vigorousness of this dance varies, of course, depending on how crappy or long your week has been. It shouldn't be a good dance or even one you're particularly proud of, actually, the dorkier you feel as you jut your thumbs out to the side and wiggle your butt the better. Throw in some bent knees and duck walking if it's a Friday AND a payday.

When I left my job in the DC area my colleagues even made a video send off that included all of their respective Friday dances. I have even shown this tape to people unfamiliar with these former colleagues, and you can't help but laugh until you cry. I really should digitize it. Man, we should get it onto youtube! If you need inspiration for your own personal Friday Dance^TM go to this demo by ZeFrank.

And remember, you get extra points for getting a coworker to join you! I shall start and then you can join in. You can stay seated if you wish. I shall throw my arms in the air thusly, wait, there, now i have to type some more but don't worry I'll recommence shortly. pucker up those lips mick jagger style or go for the white man's over bite, now waggle your head and your hips and SHIMMY SHIMMY SHIMMY!!!!

ah, i feel better already!