zoomaru

Oh sweet mother may I. We're going on three days at home with sick child. I learned a few things at the Doctor's yesterday. The flu season JUST started, hunh? I thought spring was almost here, but in these parts, the flu comes late. And did you know that even if Ruby and I had gotten flu shots last fall that they only last 3 months? And therefore we might have caught this anyway? BASTARDS! Richard was the wise one, he got HIS shot... bastard (you can tell that I'm kidding, cause I only used lowercase that time!)

But I am very thankful that we didn't get the strain that leaves all its victims barfing repeatedly! Bullet missed! And for having a fever and feeling kinda crappy, Ruby has really been quite charming. But like a middle-aged guy trying to play softball at the beginning of the season, she runs around like mad for about 60 seconds before complaining of being tired. "Oh VEY, I gotta take a load off!" (apparently her inner middle-aged guy is an old jewish man)

I've fortunately been able to do a little work at home, but working with a bunch of unchilded men means that they don't quite get that this is not a vacation day. This is not a mom being over protective. If adults had this fevery flu, they'd probably schlep into work anyway, looking like day old dog poop, and not get very much more done then warming their seat for the day. Because little kids like to make out with each other willy nilly, you can't let a feverish one go off to school. I don't want to be the mom that's always taking the loaded snot gun to school.

So we're staying home another day, I've got a pot of chili on the stove and I'll try to take advantage of this quiet time to recuperate a bit myself. Came at a good time as I had been loathing the idea of going to work after the crap that fell in my lap on Friday.  

Seeing as I have a touch of the old ADHD and it's taken me forever to get this far, you're stuck with only 40 things about yours truly, Pagalina. Tell me something embarrassing about yourself, please? Pretty please? With sugar on top? I crave your attention.

1. I am missing the tip of one finger.
2. I lisped as a child.
3. I can touch my nose with my tongue.
4. When preparing a frozen pizza I try to keep the box right side up as I extract the pizza. This is some form of superstition as I believe it will keep the toppings in place. I’m sure this is how the pizza has been handled from factory to freezer.
5. I can make an awesome margarita.
6. I made my own dresses for two different high school proms.
7. An unfortunate nickname of mine in 7th grade was Miss America. It was NOT a compliment
8. I sucked my thumb until 6th grade.
9. I’m a Graphic Designer.
10. I used to play snare drum in respectively: a fife and drum corp, marching band and two different bag pipe bands.
11. I was a girl scout for 7 years.
12. I was in church choir and worked at a church camp. The religion didn’t seem to stick but I enjoyed all the singing!
13. I really wish that everyone liked me, then it would make everything so much easier. I wouldn’t have to work so darn hard! But you know? The older I get, the less I care! Wheee!
14. Like everyone else, I dream of being independently wealthy
15. Sometimes I may be looking at the TV but this does NOT mean I’m paying any attention to it. Richard will comment on something that just happened on the tube and I’ll be totally clueless as my mind had wandered off on it’s own.
16. Seldom do a song’s lyrics penetrate my consciousness. Back when I used to buy CDs I’d read the lyrics as I listened for the first time, I’d really concentrate on them the first time through. Don’t know why I stopped that. I’ll blame the internet.
17. I can’t stand metal on metal sounds. Or people loudly biting on their forks. Or chewing aluminum foil.
18. I hate listening to someone peppering their speech with the laziest of words “like”. I have a coworker that sounds like a teenager. The most frustrating part is that it’s like a virulent virus and so very easy to pick up. I hate it even worse when I’m the one saying it.
19. I love singing although I’m not very good at it.
20. I hate squeaky tennis shoes on shiny mall floors.
21. I used to teach aerobics.
22. my standards have slipped.
23. I really like pink cake.
24. and pie. Fruit pie. Mmm pie!
25. I read a lot. Some literature but a whole lot of trash involving vampires, werewolves and witches.
26. I’m obsessed with conjoined twins and transgendered people
27. I prefer the word “underpants” it’s just funnier. “Panties” makes me think of panting. Seems inappropriate.
28. I’m kind of a geek. I love technology. Except for cell phones. I just don’t use mine much. Maybe it’s my total lack of friends. (I exaggerate, of course!)
29. My mom was born with an extra finger on each hand. I can’t tell you how disappointed that neither myself or my daughter were born that way. Seems like it would have made up for my missing one.
30. I love love love micro brew!
31. I like stacking or folding things. Maybe it’s a byproduct of my career in design, but a mess seems less messy if it’s divided into nice little stacks. And it is my personal challenge to fold a fitted bed sheet as tidily and squarely as possible, despite this being totally impossible to do.
32. I’m a huge music fan. I no longer go to live shows much. I was always a pansy about staying late any ways and now it’s just sort of impossible. Pre-child I could stay up late and then sleep really late. Sleeping late? Not gonna captain! But still I love searching out and sharing new music!
33. Other nicknames have included Pog, Pag, Pagalina.
34. My husband doesn’t think I have an inner monologue as most of my errant thoughts are spoken outloud.
35. Our two cats used to be my beloved pets, but now they’re just mooches who sleep on my couch and yell at me for food.
36. I have a collection of dash board hula girls.
37. I don’t wear high heels, I’d kill myself.
38. I love sugar cookies and other plain delights! Shortbread!
39. I’m an inveterate multi-tasker, making coffee, rinsing out a cup and emptying the dish-washer, simultaneously.
40. I wanted this list to go to 100, but you’re either really out of luck or really lucky. :)

Alrighty friendy-friends! It's photo time! I guess I'm gonna get to keep my "autographed" picture of Laverne and Shirley cause nary a soul out there in webland has sent in their very find red pic to pagalina (at) yahoo (dot) com. Come on peeps! we're not talking high art! We're talking FUN art. Put the U in FUN!

and a bonus one that i think is sort of a bratty cheat

There's still time if you want to send one in! Where do we go from here? Do we send it out for a vote? The photographer of the selected photo wins? wins what? Can you tell which photo(s) were taken by Dickie and which were taken by me? These were taken with a little point n' shoot, nuthin' too fancy in photoshop either. What should our next contest be?

Dear Gap, J Crew, Banana Republic, Old Navy and all you other clothing stores,

Why must you perpetuate the insanity that is the low cut pant, let alone the ULTRA low cut pant. I think we can all agree that we’re tired of seeing lady-ass-crack. I’m tired of feeling a mighty breeze whenever I squat to pick something up. I’m tired of seeing other peoples’ muffin-top popping over the waist band of their jeans. And part of the problem is that you, providers of fashion, offer no choices! I abhor the mom-jean as much as the next person. I don’t want to see anyone clad to their rib cage in denim and khaki, but why can’t there be a choice?

The last time I was at Gap, I was informed by a chipper sales person that even the “at the waist” choices were low cut. Hunh? That’s retarded. And I’m also pissed off whenever I go looking for a size 12, which is a pretty average size nowadays and you’re totally out of them. MAKE MORE PAIRS in popular sizes, you idiots! Make the 0’s and 2’s order online, they hardly leave the house to buy food, let alone shop for clothing, so free up some space for the real people who are buying your clothes! And please, admit to yourselves, that your customers are not all skinny little 14 year olds. Design a range of clothes that can be flattering to many body shapes. Have you NOT been reading the newspapers and magazines? Our country is made up of bigger shapes these days, you should be creative enough to rise to the challenge. Rise to it already!

I also want to speak up for my plus-sized sistahs, how can the clothing industry consider a size 14 a plus size? Right now, a size 14 is the AVERAGE size of an American woman, but most AVERAGE clothing stores hardly carry anything in that size. You have to step over to serious Big-girl storeland. Only Old Navy acknowledges that women who wear size 18 deserve to let their ass-cracks hang out too.

And why are stores like Target (oh Target, I do really love you, don’t consider this a break-up, just a “what the heck”) dressing children like ho-bags? If you make a 14 inch skirt, 14 year olds are going to wear them! I’m not saying “don’t sell em” I’m just saying, “hey, give us some options!”

Sincerely,
Big-boned girl

P.S. Can I get a “Hell Yeah!”
P.P.S. I’m TOTALLY rocking out old skool to Led Zeppelin’s eponymous CD. ROCKING OUT. Good times indeed!

I never realized, until she received them for christmas, that 3 year olds could enjoy classic games like Chutes and Ladders, but since Ruby received it, we've played it almost nightly. I don't expect her to be able to count all the way up to 100 and I don't even really mind when she moves her piece where ever she wants to put it. But I do point out in gently teasing tone that she's cheating. And boy is she a giant cheater. I'm concerned. Who knows where this total lack of ethics will land her! The newest twist is that she will proudly announce that she didn't cheat that time, when in fact she moved about 30 more spaces than the 5 she got on the ol' spinner. If you answer honestly, that yes, you cheated, she defensively responds that no she didn't. So I'm reduced to lying to my child out of sheer self-presevation. 

In addition to cheating at Chutes and Ladders we've been busy making new rules for Don't Spill the Beans and Don't Break the Ice, two games that seem little changed since I was a kid. Can't wait for Operation!

The past two nights while driving Ruby home from day care she has proudly announced.  “I didn’t have time out today.” Her statement makes me wonder about all the other days. She is so very proud of herself that I fear yelling “What the HELL do you mean today, no child of mine should ever get timeout!!!! That’s it, get out of the car and walk home in the dark across the busy four lanes of traffic and when you get home you better have an explanation for “I didn’t have a timeout TODAY.” would probably not be the most constructive parenting move on my part. Then again you won’t know until you try.

Don't let this confuse you cause this is NOT the entry I'm submitting for our little Red Photo Contest. Nope. Can't commit to it. When it comes to something like this, I'm like a catholic girl on prom night, will I or won't I? Consider this, instead, one idea I had for this. I've got a couple of other tricks up my sleeve, don't you worry.

10 points if you can figure out what it is! (don't answer, Dickie, cause I know you'll recognize it!)

Richard and I? We get a little bored. Especially in the winter. Especially when work isn't as creative as it could be and in lieu of becoming ax murderers or supermarket psychos, we sometimes devise little bets or projects for ourselves. One bet involving miniature golf resulted in me having to create a little shrine to everything richardly. It was quite stunning, had little candles and gems and was nestled in a cigar box. I should take a photo of it, I'm quite proud of it, but Richard is a little self-conscious about it. Perfect fodder for the ol' bloggy blog, though!

Richard pitched the idea of a photo project. Pick a topic and then each post the results. Our current subject is in honor of Valentine's Day: Red. And I'll extend the contest to our little friends here as well, anybody who emails me a photo that symbolizes "red" will receive a little prize. hmm. What should it be? A hand-crocheted potholder made by me-myself-and-I? In the color of your selection? You've got til Friday to send in a photo to pagalina (at) yahoo (dot) com. I'll post it here and you can provide your mailing address offline for your beautiful potholder. Any other ideas for prizes? I do have an awesome "autographed" picture of Laverne and Shirley. Or a ticket stub from my very first concert, which was Kansas (blowing in the WIND)! 

I really thought the internet held all answers. I searched parenting websites, I googled and I yahooed. I even opened up my dog-eared copy of "What to Expect: the Toddler Years" and I could find no reference to this phenomena. Apparently, 3 year olds do NOT have inner monologues. Yep, you read it here first. Whatever thought, snippet of song or sound effect crosses their brain pan is immediately transmitted out their mouthes, at often ridiculous volumes. SHE was having an absolute blast, full of vim and vigor and giggles, but we still found ourselves doing an awful lot of shushing, and trying to model ye olde inside voice. I think she's been hiding a crack pipe from us, cause she was BOUNCING off the walls. Boing boing boing giggle bonk (cartoonish ooouch!) giggle.

Wow, this one goes to eleven!