zoomaru

The first day of work after vacation is worse than being slapped in the face with a rusty cheese grater wielded by a farting four hundred pound gorilla right before you go bobbing in lemon juice for starved piranha while listening to the Grateful Dead.

The magic work fairies that I left in charge apparently were too high on pixie dust to bother getting my work done. So that meant that upon turning on my computer and opening Outlook I was buried with an avalanche of crap, literally. I mean crap actually cascaded off the screen and covered me up. Right now I am using my phone to text this message from underneath piles of crap. Damn those useless fairies.

In conclusion I have to say that I enjoy sitting in a pool with a swimsuit clad wife, drinking a beer, while watching Ruby jump in and out of the pool like a crazy thing more than I like working.

I’ve been feeling so upbeat lately. It’s delightful! Maybe it’s the weeklong trip to the beach we embark on this weekend! Maybe it’s the new living furniture we finally broke down and ordered. It could be the sun porch that Richard just overhauled into a fun, tiki room (we should take pics!). Or It’s the fun I’ve been having with the T-shirts and such. (see? there it is!)

I also switched up my gym routine to swimming laps and taking pilates or conditioning classes and I feel a little more toned for my trouble. No one else will notice, but I certainly do. Nice to have a little less jiggle. And to top it all off I started my shortened week last week. Nothing quite like changing a whole lot of things to feel like I’ve kicked myself out of a rut!

SO we're slamming things into the station wagon, throwing out food that'll go bad while we're gone and I swear i'm going to kill this cat because she's just milling about the house meowing, alternating with trying to escape the house any time a door is opened. We're off to the beach, WHEEEEEEEEEE.

By the time I got home I was spitting mad. A cartoon dark cloud over my head with little lightning bolts shooting out. It was filled with astericks, exclamation points and curly cues to indicate my pissiness. I was that squat drawing of a little kid, face squinched in anger, stomping back and forth, the one that wanted to run away from home. I changed my clothes and decided to stomp up to the convenience store to fetch some medicinal beer and to try to stomp out some of my pique.

I have my 6-pack beer in hand and a redemptive lottery ticket and i'm actually feeling a little better. Half way home from this 6 block walk, the skies open up and spill giant saucer-like rain drops. On me. It's just too funny by the time I've gotten home to find Ruby and Richard waiting out the storm sitting in the car. They've noticed some jackass walking in the rain and they foolishly wonder who it is. Who's the jackass? ME!

You've witnessed the greeting cards, now revel in the patterns newly posted at naked&angry

Click each sample to see them repeat and vote! wheee!