Get busy livin'
I have the strange habit of skimming the obituaries. Most days, I'm happy to say, are filled with really, really old people. But sometimes there are a lot of people that I used to consider old, but now that I'm 40, don't seem all that old. 44? not old. 57? no. not that old either! I've become a little preoccupied with my mortality. Perhaps it's the fact that my mom died at 54. All my grandparents lived to be in their 80s but this is family history that's up close and personal. I also was a late bloomer in the breeding game and have a 2 year old and it makes me immensely sad to think I could leave her motherless someday. I was 34 when my mom passed away and it obliterated me for months and months. I can't imagine what it would have been like to have only been in high school or college.
My mother was the one person I knew who was always ALWAYS on my side. This was particularly comforting during my younger years when I didn't have a very strong sense of myself. I hope to provide that comfort to my girl. But I also don't want to pull the rug out from under her or her daddy.
If you didn't know me, the following thoughts might lead you to think that I'm an unhappy or morose person, and I have to say "nope". I'm actually a pretty positve, optimistic person. Really, my glass-half-full attitude drives people crazy sometimes. I'm just not sure how to reassure myself that I'm gonna be kicking for as long as possible. I'll go do the doctors' and the mammograms but in the end, i know there's no guarantee, and it just didn't matter quite so much when it was just me.
