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On January 1 this year we woke up to find out that a family of 4, including a 4 year old and 9 year old girl were found bound and murdered in their home here in Richmond. The men suspected of this horrendous crime were arrested a week later, but I was preoccupied by it for more than a month. Unlike most investigations, very little was leaked to the press, so slowly without the oxygen of information, the murders faded from the forefront of my consciousness.

I had many personal reasons for being a little obsessed, they lived only 3 miles from our home, OUR HOME! one of their daughters was named Ruby, just like ours, and I had spoken to the mom about that in the cool toy store that she owned. We visited that store regularly and loved it's off-beat charm. I always pause by their shrine when we visit the store to this day. And I listened to the husband's band, House of Freaks, back in college.

One of the suspected men was tried this week. I went to art school, and know little of the legal trade, so I don't understand that despite confessing to the crimes, he pleaded not-guilty. The trial lasted two days. Have you EVER heard of a murder trial lasting only two days? The jury deliberated only 30 minutes before declaring him guilty. I didn't mean to, but I read a description of the wounds inflicted on the family, and despite their clinical nature and lack of drama, it upset me a lot. I will only say here that it involved duct tape, a hammer and a knife.

Like many people I use the word "hate" loosely. I hate this food, I hate that TV Show. But when I say I hate this man, I hate with a rage that is unfamiliar to me. I hate that he reminded me how complacent we are. How transient our existense is, how some asshole can walk into your house, hold you hostage and butcher you just for the pleasure of taking two laptops, a wedding band and some cookies. I really am trying to reduce the severity of my cursing so it's very hard not to use the phrase "evil motherfucker" when I think of him killing two young girls. Young enough to not even realize what evil really means. They probably thought Cruella Deville was evil incarnate. I hate that there are people who don't look at children and realize their vulnerability or even care if they live or die.

I'd heard, of course, of the protective instincts you acquire when you have a kid, but I didn't expect the sort of pain it could cause. The idea that someone could harm my child hurts acutely. I mean, it's just an achy feeling when I watch her sleep.

I wish I was evolved enough to acknowledge that this man is a damaged human being under the influence of PCP. If he'd been properly cared for as a child, he might not have done these things, but there's absolutely nothing that will prevent him from doing this again, in fact, that very week, he and his partner, killed another family of 3, that included his girlfriend. evil evil evil evil evil die die die die.

I know I'm being totally selfish when I say I can't wait for these trials to be over, I need something to wipe this from my brain. I need reassurance that my family and I are safe. I need to remember that this was a random act, and the odds of it happening to us is slim but I will check a second, third time that the back door is locked. I'll stare a little hard at men who look like the murderers and I'll keep reminding myself, that I can protect my daughter.